I haven't read the book about standing in front of the mirror for too long,
but it sounds like my story....
However, if someone who is sensitive about their appearance like me
had at least this kind of appearance until their teenage years....
I wouldn't have spent my childhood and teenage years, when I was studying and building my personality,
obsessed with my appearance....
I am a woman who finally became human
after finishing the college entrance exam and
going on a major appearance upgrade diet, double jaw surgery, and orthodontic treatment
. Now, if I just get double eyelid surgery,
my appearance will be complete. People around me say that too.
I am very interested in my appearance,
but I am sad because I can't dress up like I do on Instagram
because of my double eyelid eyes
. Actually, there is a bigger problem...
I don't think I was human
until I finished the college entrance exam, or before I got double jaw
surgery. If you've seen Let Me In, you'll know.
Those who are planning to get double jaw surgery or have had double jaw surgery,
you must have lived in so much pain...
I wasn't good enough to be on that program,
but you know... If your teeth are even a little crooked,
it can have a huge impact on your impression.
Even if companies
forgive a square jaw or a protruding front tooth,
they probably don't like teeth that are noticeably crooked...
When my permanent teeth came in,
my front front canines grew in crookedly.
That's how I knew
my teeth grew in
. When my relatives and adults around me
compared me to my younger brother who grew up normally...
I hated my parents for not getting me corrected early.
In the end, I was grateful that they paid a lot of money for double jaw surgery, but...
It's like trying to stop a problem with a hoe...
I'm the one who caused all the scars.
On top of that, I was chubby because I had a big appetite
. If a 6th grader had weighed in the early 60s, that would say everything.
Now, I've gained all the weight I gained back then,
but no matter how much I gained, I've never weighed more than 53 kg for years (I'm 168 cm tall)
, but it wasn't
like that when I was young... I heard that skinny kids were pretty even back then...
But why did I gain weight back then?ㅠㅠ
Even though I lost weight and won a lottery ticket,
my chest and hips didn't change,
so it was like I hit the jackpot...
But I was going to lose it all after the CSAT anyway
. In middle school, I
went on a clumsy diet, so I developed a dieting obsession and an eating disorder.
I had stomach cramps, and my school uniform skirt was so uncomfortable that I couldn't concentrate on my studies
. (Even now, if I eat too much, my stomach gets uncomfortable. I think my stomach is small.)
I was sleepy all day long, no matter
how much I slept, like narcolepsy
... Since my teeth completely disappeared after I got braces and went to college, I think
it might have been because of the gap-shaped teeth...ㅠㅠ In the end, was it
the CSAT? College entrance exam?
Of course , I had friction with my parents about my career
path because I preferred an unusual major
(a major that is only offered at the Kooksung Sedan Gwangmyeong Sangga and the Arts College),
but I couldn't focus on my studies...
I just came here because the college near my house had that major
. Even though I was the top student in my freshman year, no one recognized me...
There was some friction at the college because of my major preference, and
I received several awards and achieved some results in my practical work...
but I have so much impotence that I can't do anything
since I'm in the final stage
.ㅠㅠ It was so hard for
me to choose this major in
my teens... It's just like the SES running song
, a never-ending race... It's boring and hard, and I'm out of breath
right now, but I'm tall and have a body that men would like,
and I've heard a lot of people say that I look like a celebrity...
I've also heard that I'm elegantly
pretty. Anyway, people who like that kind of thing have pretty looks.
There were quite a few men, and recently
I've been actively connecting with prestigious science and engineering universities in our area...
Well, I think I passed the preliminary round, but what's the Is it a problem....
If only my eyes weren't so clear and I was prettier,
it wouldn't have ended like that....
We were going to go see the cherry blossoms this time,
but I'm crying because we got canceled right before the peak seasonㅠㅠ
The relationship ended like that, so
I was upset and had a fight with my parents...
When they talked about how to make a living, I got even angrier and more upset...
I worked as a freelancer related to my major for a while and
I had no experience, but I once got paid 100 for a project.
Maybe it's because the minimum wage has gone up these days...
There aren't many jobs ㅠㅠ Even if there are, the salary isn't that great, and
in fact, the concept of a freelancer is unfamiliar to
people from my parents' generation or those born in the 80s who are older than me
... I understand that, but... ㅠㅠ
I'm feeling depressed just thinking about failing my college entrance exam.
When I look at Instagram, people who graduated from similar schools as me
are all working at some company, and
I think it must be because they look better than me....
Now, all I need to do is get eye surgery, but
I can't even get the money for it...
Actually, I earned some money when I took a leave of absence from school and worked part
-time, but I was dating a boyfriend at the time, so I spent it all up ㅠㅠ
I have someone who plans to go see cherry blossoms again,
but I keep thinking about past relationships,
so it's such a sad night.
I posted on another girl group app, but
they said I have a bad personality ㅠㅠ
Of course, I also became sharp because
they didn't support me
.... I just wish someone could comfort me
. My parents don't know that I'm in this much pain....
I'm crying sadly
like in the old videos of the Let Me In applicants
ㅠㅠ I was planning to die
before I turned 30 anyway
.... If I hadn't done the double jaw diet or anything,
I would have I would have ended my life before I reached my mid-20s. I'm thinking of
living like this and just dying, but
I don't want to leave a memorial photo like this...
But I wonder if I should live onㅠㅠ
When I look at Instagram, everyone is smiling because it's spring,
but why am I so sad?
님
[성형수다] 
물괴
