Look sick and life sick

I literally feel like I'm going to get a chronic disease... No, I already have it. I
 've done everything I can for plastic surgery. I'm 21 years old, and I've spent over 1,500 won,
 but it's not enough... I don't know what's wrong...
 I've been consulting with a psychiatrist and taking medication,
 but I keep relying on alcohol and drinking
 more often. It's okay, but I have low self-esteem,
 so I always give, but I can't make progress, and I'm always being eaten away... I
 guess it 's only the scoundrels who
 get caught, and I'm the problem, but I've never been in a relationship or even had a relationship, so I want to rely on someone and communicate mentally, but it's really hard. ..
 My friends are telling me to come to my senses, but I don't know what to do..
 I 'm trying to live well by taking time off from school and working my part-time job, and trying to approach people warmly, but it's not easy.. ㅜ
 Since I'm not good at thinking normally, everyone judges me based on my appearance. I just think that it is..even though I know this is wrong..ㅜ
 Life is really so hard.