I want to go back to before the surgery~~

I want to go back to before the surgery ㅋㅋ It's so hard. It's been 4 months now, and I was depressed for 2 months because I was worried about nonunion, and I was depressed while reading various articles about side effects, thinking that I was destined to end up like that. I'm still not chewing because I'm scared, and I'm not sleeping on my side. I yawn so small that I can't even fit a finger in. And coughing.
 I don't have any particular problems like nonunion, sagging cheeks, or nerve damage, but it's so hard. Whether it's effective or not, I'm so anxious right now. I went to another hospital and got a CT scan and they said there were no problems, but this is how it is. It was so hard. If there were side effects, how hard would it have been? Will I be able to stop worrying after confirming that the bone is completely fused and the pins are removed?? ㅋㅋ I'm scared to go under the knife again, but I think I have to do it because I think I'll worry until I die if I don't get the pins removed. It doesn't matter whether I get sagging cheeks or not.
 Now, I just want to open my mouth wide and laugh like before the surgery... chew anything well... lay on my side and look at my phone... rest my chin on it as I please... cough and yawn comfortably.
 
When I see positive reviews, I wonder if I'm being too pessimistic, but when I actually look at them, I don't trust them because they're missing important things. The only basis for judging that the surgery was successful is the CT scan, but there are many reviews that say they're living well without any problems. I've seen so many people who didn't even know they had a nonunion and thought the surgery was successful, only to have to have another surgery after a few years because the nonunion got worse. I'm so exhausted, physically and mentally~~