It's really hard because of my appearance...

I'm a Mija right now, but I'm having a hard time because of my looks... I have to study because I'm in high school, but I don't study well because I spend all day looking in the mirror and seeing how I look... Sometimes, I only study well on days when I look pretty: I always say, "I'll fix my face and be satisfied." If I get to that level, I will study hard and do everything.. This is my thought, and right now I just don't want to do anything and want to live without it. Even when I go out, I always wear a hat and a mask because I'm afraid other people will see and judge me... If my face had been prettier, I would have lived like this... My real dream is to become an idol and celebrity, so I don't think I can do this because of my appearance. My mom has a small nose and face. I'm small and pretty, but my dad is ugly, and I take after him, so I get angry every time I see his face... I always ask my mom why I married my dad and had a baby, and don't think about my future daughter... ㅠㅠ It's so bad... haha, but seriously. Because of the looks. School girls say I'm pretty, but in my eyes, I'm just really mad. What's pretty? I have a big, long nose, a long lower crown, a lot of fat on my face, and my eyes are dull and dull... There are a lot of prettier kids at my school, so why? It's so bad that people are posting this at me... I think I'm going crazy with envy when I see kids with small faces and noses and short noses... I can't do anything about having a long nose... Even when I meet my boyfriend, do I always have a long nose? Who do I look like? Since I'm always talking about celebrities' appearances and other people's appearances, my boyfriend gets angry and tells me to stop... I also get criticized by my family... But if I really had the look I wanted, I would have studied harder, been more confident, and lived comfortably without wearing a mask. ... Because I'm a Mija, I can't get plastic surgery because my parents don't like it, and I can't afford to live at home, so even if I get plastic surgery as an adult, I'd have to earn part-time money to do it... How long would it take to save up all that money, and would I have to show my face... and go to college? ..I want to be as pretty as possible when I'm young..but I was born really ugly so it's really hard.